


Wear Your Deerstalker On Your Sleeve

by RogueFanKC



Series: The Consulting Crapsack and the Hydra Bicycle [7]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. References, Deadpool being Deadpool, Fluff, Guardians of the Galaxy (2014) - Freeform, Hilarity Ensues, M/M, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-13
Updated: 2018-04-09
Packaged: 2019-03-30 18:13:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13957215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RogueFanKC/pseuds/RogueFanKC
Summary: You are cordially invited to honor us with your presence of the dual wedding between William Scott Sherlock Holmes, John Hamish Watson, James Buchanan Barnes, and Steven Grant Rogers.These four men have been fortunate to benefit in life, love, and everlasting adventure. The greatest gifts we can receive are your continued friendship and your presence at their weddings.  However, if you are considering a gift, we encourage you to commemorate the event with a donation to the following charities for veterans…





	1. You Have To Admire Fury For His Honesty

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to Kelley (@anotherwellkeptsecret)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedicated to the lovely [Penumbra](http://archiveofourown.org/users/penumbra/pseuds/penumbra) / [Kelley](http://anotherwellkeptsecret.tumblr.com/) who is one of the most beautiful people I have been graced with the privilege of knowing.

  
Art by [Willie](http://willietheplaidjacket.tumblr.com/)

_You are cordially invited to honor us with your presence of the dual wedding between William Scott Sherlock Holmes, John Hamish Watson, James Buchanan Barnes, and Steven Grant Rogers._

_These four men have been fortunate to benefit in life, love, and everlasting adventure. The greatest gifts we can receive are your continued friendship and your presence at their weddings.  However, if you are considering a gift, we encourage you to commemorate the event with a donation to the following charities for veterans…_

* * *

__

                The wedding ceremony was simple, in front of a controlled number of guests within the sun-kissed Goldney Hall, with Mrs. Wanda Holmes and Mrs. Martha Hudson as the matrons of honor (Mrs. Hudson cried with joy when Bucky and Steve asked if she could act on their behalf).

                Greg Lestrade and Sam Wilson stood by as the best men.  As a joke, they got matching deerstalker hats for Sherlock and Bucky to wear for their respective bachelor parties.  To their collective shock, both Bucky and Sherlock donned them proudly as they walked down the aisles with Steve and John, hand in hand.

                Surprising everyone, Nick Fury had an actual license to stand as wedding officiant.  It was a wee bit odd seeing the ex-director of S.H.I.E.L.D standing in the altar, in leather trench coat and eyepatch, giving a deadpanned expression as he started the ceremonial script.

                “We are gathered here today – oh what the hell, let’s just skip to the important crap and get to the part where if anyone has any objections to whether or not these four men should not get hitched.  Because I assure you that if **_anyone_** stands up to fucking object, I will **_personally_** put a bullet in your head before making sure no one finds your body.  **_Ever_**.”

                “And ** _I_** shall assist him,” Mrs. Holmes said steely, hands on her hips as she stared down.

                No one (not even Tony Stark) decided to tempt it.

                “Do you, William Scott Sherlock Holmes, take John Hamish Watson to be your lawfully wedded husband and partner, through better and worse, and to remember that the next time you fake your goddamned death, you will actually inform John Watson and take him with you?  Because there will be a **_long_** line of people that will make sure you **_stay dead_** this time if you ever pull that shit again.”

                “I do,” Sherlock said gravely as Mr. Carlton Holmes gave Fury a glare for his lack of tact.  Despite the painful memories, John gave a light comforting squeeze to Sherlock’s palm.

                “Do you, John Hamish Watson, despite all the crap and crazy escapades you get into with him, take William Scott Sherlock Holmes as your husband and partner?  Through every close-call, near-death experience, crazy-assed scheme, and the fact that you’re probably going to be his babysitter and inform him when he’s not good until the end of your days?”

                “I do,” John said with a smile as the members of the congregation shifted a bit uncomfortably in their seats, glancing at each other.

                “Do you, Steven Grant Rogers, take – ah, screw it.  If you’ll love Barnes despite the whole Winter Soldier shit, then you’ll love him _regardless_ of whatever that asshole does, so we all know you’ll say ‘I do’ like the loyal, nostalgic dumbass you always were.”

                “I do.  And _language_ ,” Steve intoned, raising an eyebrow.  This prompted a few chuckles and snorts from the audience.

                “And do you, James Buchanan Barnes, take Steven Grant Rogers, as your husband, partner, and will always be with him until the end of the line?  For better and for worse, until you both are wrinkled old men – well, _older_ \- living a boring-ass life in the middle of nowhere, making sure your little guy doesn’t get anywhere near a plane without a parachute or get into a fight he’s too stupid to run away from without backup?”

                “I do,” Barnes said with a cheeky smirk that made Steve ache to kiss him.

                “Do you also promise to stop antagonizing Sherlock Holmes and to quit calling him a ‘consulting crapsack’, as apt as that may be?”

                “You asked for vows, Fury.  Not miracles,” Bucky replied, deadpanned.

                The whole church erupted with laughter and tittering.  Even Lestrade was clapping and chortling.

                Mycroft Holmes wearily covered his face with one hand in the sidelines.

                Sharon Carter, who was next to Anthea and Harry Watson, leaned over and whispered to the British agent, “Why did Mycroft Holmes go with Fury again?”

                “Nicholas Fury was the only one who met Mycroft’s stringent security clearance requirements,” Anthea replied with a smile.

                “Then the bloke _really_ didn’t think it through, did he?” Harry remarked, enjoying Mycroft’s irritation.

                Nick Fury then said with a flourish, throwing up a hand and actually smiling, “Then by the powers vested in me, I now declare you all husbands, partners, and friends.  Now put on the rings, kiss each other stupid, and let’s eat!”

                “ _Finally!_   An Earthling that said the smartest thing all day!  **_Move, losers!_**   I’ve been looking forward to Angelo’s grub since we entered the Centaurus System!” whooped Rocket Raccoon as he made a beeline towards the buffet line with Groot in tow.

                “Sir, isn’t it even a bit bonkers of the fact that we’re serving actual **aliens** from **_other planets_**?” asked one server at Angelo as he loaded the steaming trays of mushroom ravioli and spaghetti.

                Uncovering the bruschetta and antipasto, Angelo smiled as he said, “Actually, having the Guardians travel all the way from space to taste my cooking is the highest form of a compliment I can think of.”

                Nearly everyone else though stayed and applauded as John, Sherlock, Steve, and Bucky all waited for a beaming Kelley to step forward with the satin pillow where the four titanium-gold rings laid.  Each etched not with a diamond, but with a simple star, half red and white, adorned with a tiny leaflet shaped of a honeybee and a hedgehog.

                The four men placed the rings on each other’s fingers before they kissed deeply, enjoying the cool and electrifying sensation of each other’s lips.  John and Sherlock embraced, with Sherlock enveloping John’s shoulders while John wrapped his arms around Sherlock’s waist.  Steve actually dipped Bucky a bit in his brawny arms while Bucky caressed Steve’s chest underneath the tuxedo.

                And to everyone’s surprise, Steve Rogers turned and gave a chaste kiss to both Sherlock and John Watson on the lips, cupping their faces gently.  Bucky gave John a bear hug, swinging side to side a bit, before turning to Sherlock and stating flatly, “I’m **not** touching you.”

                “Oh goodie!  God really **_does_** answer prayers,” Sherlock sneered with a toothy grin.

                After the pictures and every friend and Avenger settled in the banquet hall, gossiping and making pleasant small talk with each other while munching on appetizers, there was a wonderful set of dancing as Steve and Bucky had their first dance together on the floor.  Sherlock played a touching and lovely medley of _It’s Been a Long, Long Time_ and _I Remember You_ on his violin as the Winter Soldier and Captain America slowly sashayed across the court.

                “You’re still a punk,” Bucky whispered in Steve’s ear.

                “And now I’m **your** punk, jerk,” Steve whispered back tenderly as he rubbed his cheek against Bucky’s.

                For John and Sherlock’s dance, Mycroft surprisingly took over Sherlock’s Stradivarius (with the wedding orchestra playing their instruments in conjunction) as he played a beautiful piece written by Sherlock himself specifically titled _Sherlock and John_.  It was a gorgeous piece that was both soothingly mellow and uplifting as John and Sherlock waltzed, staring at each other’s eyes.

                “Are you ever afraid of being bored once the honeymoon is over?” John asked, his eyes searching.

                Sherlock’s forehead touched John’s as he murmured, “Never.  A thousand times over, I will never be bored for a single second in my life as long as you spend it with me.  Even if it meant beekeeping in Sussex, it would still be a grand adventure with you by my side.”

                Then to everyone’s surprise at the end of their dance, Steve then reached out with one hand to offer to Sherlock.  A bit suspicious, Sherlock took it and had the good Captain America lead the Detective to the dance floor while Bucky did a bow and offered his hand to John Watson.

                “Care to get down with a boy from Brooklyn, Doctor Watson?” Bucky asked, his eyes mischievously twinkling.

                “Only if you don’t mind slowing down for a solider with a limp?” John huffed good-naturedly as grasped Bucky’s hands.

                Together, all four of them danced with each other, Steve twirling Sherlock masterfully as John and Bucky performed a smooth underarm turn before Bucky enveloped John close to his chest.  The orchestra, led by Mycroft, presented a tasteful yet surprisingly harmonious pastiche of _Debussy’s Sonata in G Major_ , _Memories are Made Of This_ , _Franck’s Sonata in A Major,_ and _Sentimental Journey._

                “Will this be over soon?” Sherlock grumbled to Steve, rolling his eyes.

                Steve took no offense as he chuckled before rested his chin on Sherlock’s messy hair and said, “What can I say? I always wanted to dance with my hero.”

                “I **only** saved you because John was in danger too, you poof.”

                “Uh-huh.  Sure.  Right.  Whatever you say.”

                All of their friends just watched with rapt and gleeful attention.

                “Bloody Hell, I could actually watch this for hours…” murmured Mike Stamford as he took in the sight of the four men enjoying the music together with his wife.

                “Just so we’re clear, this **isn’t** a polyamorous wedding, right?” Tony Stark asked no one in particular as he sipped his brandy.

                “Jury’s still out on that one, actually…” Kelley admitted as she took a candid photo.

                “Can you send me a copy of that image, dearie?” Mrs. Hudson asked eagerly, “Mrs. Turner will absolutely scream when I show her this!”

                The dance would have ended smoothly if it wasn’t for a certain wedding crasher…

                “ ** _DROP THAT CAMERA!_** ” Coulson yelled, raising everyone’s alarm and causing an absolute fright as he, Anthea, Natasha Romanoff, Sam, and Maria Hill dashed after an odd mercenary, dressed in his black and red body suit.  In the background, Bruce Banner kept doing calming breathing exercises, doing his best to not Hulk out in the middle of the reception with Phillip Anderson’s encouragement.

                Bucky and John both drew out their guns hidden in the waistband of their pants, but in a touching move, Steven stepped in front of both John and Sherlock while Bucky set his sights.  Upon recognizing the masked stranger, Steve calmly placed a hand on Bucky’s shoulder.

                “Relax, Buck.  It’s all right.  It’s just Deadpool,” Steve stated.

                “I hope you realize that there was **absolutely nothing** comforting about that sentence,” Mycroft intoned disapprovingly with a glare as Deadpool was thrown down rugby-style by Mrs. Holmes before he could reach the nearest window.

                Quite a few winced in surprise as Coulson and the others caught up with Wade Wilson as Natasha and Violet Holmes both began wailing the wedding crasher.

                “I’m surprised a woman of her age can gracefully perform such a tackle,” blinked Molly Hooper at Mrs. Holmes.

                “I believe having someone attempt to ruin our son’s wedding may have something to do with that, Molly,” Mr. Holmes sighed as he rubbed his eyes.

                “Aw, c’mon!” Deadpool whined as he was trying to fend off the numerous blows, “The Daily Mail’s paying me one million for these pics!  I’ll give you a cut – **OW!**   _Ow, ow, ow!_   Not the face, not the – actually, hold on a minute…”

                “…are you actually _getting off_ on this?” growled Natasha in disbelieving outrage as various observers made disgusted noises of shock.

                “…maybe?” Deadpool playfully teased, wiggling his eyebrows underneath his mask.

                For years to come, Deadpool would be the first person ever in human history to have his own dismembered male organ shoved up his nose.

                And ever since that day, all the male agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. and MI-5 and MI-6 would instinctively tense and take a step back whenever Black Widow entered the vicinity.

                After the mutilated Deadpool was escorted under heavily armed guard by MI-6, after more glorious photos and tearful exclamations of joy, congratulations, and hugs and kisses, the time came to toss the bouquet and garter.

                Or in this case, the two deerstalker hats.

                Sherlock tossed his over his shoulder to the crowd of single ladies, and it was caught by Molly Hooper to her gleeful and excited bliss.  Quite a few of the men around the area such as Dr. Banner, Kraglin the ex-Ravager, and a few of John Watson’ army friends perked up at the opening of the dazzling and gentle specialist in her yellow bridesmaid gown.

                Only to have the grizzled Logan Howlett step forward and draw out his adamantium claws with a sharp _shinkt_.

                “ **Don’t even think about it** ,” growled Logan.

                Drax of the Guardians asked in the background, “Why is it not permissible to think of a hat?”

                When Bucky tossed his deerstalker, Logan was the **only one** who participated in the ceremony and caught it.  Still, it was a touching and sentimental moment to see Logan and Molly slow dance together with Sherlock playing _Beethoven’s Ode to Joy_ in the background.  Molly lay her head against Logan’s broad chest and Logan returned a rare smile of peace.

                Judging from the smile on Laura’s face, it seemed she would get a mother quicker than she expected.

                The hours flew by with laughter, conversation, dancing, and a drinking contest between Star-Lord, Phillip Anderson, Gamora, Tony Stark, Kraglin, Mike Stamford, and S.H.I.E.L.D. agents Daisy Johnson, Mack and Hunter.

                Gamora won.

                John noticed Harry was talking animatedly with Melinda May, and he was surprised as they actually all exchanged contact information.

                “So, you and Agent May, eh, Harry?” John teased.

                “More like me and another lawyer named Jeri Hogarth that May thinks I’ll enjoy meeting,” winked Harry as she gave her brother an affectionate and sloppy kiss on the cheek.

                Before they all realized it, the hour struck past ten, and tired and spent, the guests began to disperse while Sherlock, John, Steve, and Bucky met with Nick Fury and Mycroft Holmes outside, ready to have the limousine drive them to the airport to their destination.

                Sam met up with Lestrade who had a big grin on his face.  Sam took one look at the Detective Inspector before he smirked.

                “Maria said yes?”

                “First date is in Sky Gardens,” Lestrade confirmed as he then noticed Nick Fury handing Sherlock a bulging accordion folder before Sherlock, Bucky, John, and Steve entered Mycroft’s limousine and drove off away from Goldney Hall.

                “What was that?” Lestrade asked as car pulled into the street.

                “A bunch of all our unsolved cold cases.  _Sensitive and partially redacted_ cold cases that were formerly under S.H.I.E.L.D. security before its disassembly that required a lot of clearance to get back from the C.I.A’s hands.”

                Sam pieced it together as he asked, frowning, “Wait…you’re having Steve and Sherlock solve cold cases?  On their honeymoon?”

                Mycroft replied, “That **is** their honeymoon, Mr. Wilson.  Steven Rogers, John Watson, James Barnes, and my brother will spend the next two months travelling throughout the world, with ample surveillance and reconnaissance from MI-5 officials and Agent Coulson’s team, dining in luxury hotels, sightseeing, and bringing closure to some of the lingering loose threads that plagued the espionage community for years.  **Dangerous** loose threads, I might add.”

                Lestrade thought about it before he nodded.

                Sam Wilson asked, “ _Seriously?_   **_This_** is how Sherlock and John would like to spend their honeymoon doing?  And those assholes would drag Steve and Barnes into it?”

                Lestrade laughed as he slung an arm around Sam’s shoulders.

                “Sam, let me share a few stories about Sherlock with you over a pint…”


	2. That's A First

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am ~~probably~~ going to shipping hell for this.  
>  ***runs away***

  
Art by [Kelley](http://anotherwellkeptsecret.tumblr.com/)

                That night, in the luxurious Four Seasons in Budapest, Steve, Sherlock, John, and Bucky all laid on their backs on the soft bed, enjoying the cool breeze wafting through the open balcony door that caressed their sweaty bodies, all modesty covered underneath the sheets and comforter.

                John and Bucky were panting, and Steve, though not as exhausted, was clearly breathing heavily in between his laughter.

                Sherlock just stared blankly at the ceiling ahead, without a word and with glazed eyes and a slack expression of disbelief.

                Uncharacteristically giggling, Steve asked, “Did we just…fondue for four hours straight?”

                Bucky smirked, exasperated, as he emphasized, “ _Sex_ , Steve.  You can say it.”

                John numbly commented, “Every muscle in my body hurts.  Why am I still smiling?”

                Warmly, Bucky used his non-bionic arm to bring John closer to his sore body, cuddling the doctor to his side.  Bucky then kissed the top of the blond, matted curls before commenting.

                “If anything, **I** should be the one smiling.  I never imagined you were **_that_** good with your fingers.”

                “I am a doctor, Sergeant Barnes.  I _know_ how to probe a prostrate.  Although my thighs are kind of raw right now…”

                “Sorry.  Maybe I should shave…” Steve apologized.

                The answer was automatic from John and Bucky.

                “Steve, no.”

                “Like Hell.  You look good in a beard.  Can't get more American than that...”

                Sherlock just remained listless and catatonic, staring vacantly at the ceiling.

                John then commented, “My lips still hurt too.”

                “Want us to kiss it and make it all better?” sneered Bucky with a naughty grin.

                “I’ve received enough kisses from you, Barnes.  Go kiss your husband,” John growled playfully, though he allowed Bucky to whimper with puppy dog eyes.

                “Yeah, Buck.  Go and kiss me.  I’m not sore _at all_ ,” Steve bragged with a wide grin.

                “Pretty sure I left bite marks, you liar…” John pointed out.

                “We **all** did,” Bucky added, “Although the Crapsack spent more time than I would have liked.”

                “They healed up after you and John both topped me.”

                “Bastard,” John said without malice.

                “Not all of us have a Super-Soldier Serum, Rogers,” chimed in Bucky.

                “Hey, I still enjoyed the worship session,” Steve said as he used his extended arm and hand to casually and softly brush against the hair on John’s temple, “I had to admit I was surprised at the size of your – er, you know.  Is that why they call you ‘Three Continents Watson’?”

                John said slyly, “…among other reasons.”

                “Hey, John may have made you groan, but _I_ made you scream,” Bucky jumped in.

                “So did Sherlock.  If John has magical fingers, Sherlock has…”

                Steve couldn’t finish the sentence as he shuddered in delight of the memories of Sherlock brushing his lips and tongue against each and every part of his body, murmuring huskily the anatomical body part in between licks.  Steve was already feeling hard again.

                Bucky laughed at the reminiscence.

                “Can’t blame him for being eager.”

                John admitted, “He **_did_** take Steve like a champ.  I was amazed how he didn’t ask to stop midway.  It was too painful for me at first.”

                Steve chuckled as he buried his nose against Sherlock’s neck, “Don’t worry, Sherlock.  There wasn’t any bleeding, and Bucky made sure to apply a lot of lube, so you’re good.  Right?”

                Sherlock didn’t answer back as he laid against Steve’s bicep as a pillow, and the silence was rather unsettling.

                John raised his head a bit in concern as he asked, “Sherlock.  Love.  You're awfully quiet.  Everything all right?”

                Sherlock just numbly stared on.

                For once, Bucky showed some actual discomfort at Sherlock’s well being as he propped himself with one arm.

                “Crapsack?”

                Steve rubbed Sherlock's chest soothingly, “Sherlock, you OK?  Do you need anything?”

                Finally, the Consulting Detective then dazedly spoke, his voice hoarse after hours of moans and fellatio.

                “You broke my Mind Palace.”

                There was a pause.  And Steve, Bucky, and John all collectively blinked before they asked in unison.

                “ **Huh?** ”

                With a dry mouth, Sherlock repeated dully, “You broke my Mind Palace.  All three of you have literally buggered my brains out.  My mind is a complete blank...”

                There was a contemplative pause before John beamed, his face lighting up.

                “Bloody Hell, we **_were_** good!”

                Bucky rubbed his face with his bionic hand, murmuring, “Shit.  I owe Natasha five hundred bucks now.”

                “You’re lucky,” Steve commented, “I owe Fury a thousand.”


End file.
